The Dating dogma and its predicament when looking for the right person ! Do we really know what we want when we’re dating? If you’ve ever made a list or played out both sides of an argument in your head, you will know that knowing what you don’t want helps you arrive at what you do.
Who Is The Right Person?
Somebody who’s single is often asked, “what are you looking for in a partner?” and if you’re dating, the dreaded question does come up, “then what do you want?” or “whats next?”. The truth is that we know what we want and what we don’t want as well. But it takes a lot of self-realisation, validation and courage to put it out there.
My Laundry List
- Must be well-educated and good IQ.
- She must be working and earning enough to feel satisfied, and tagged with ambitious personality is cherry on the top.
- Attractive
- She should have an exposure to the world
- She should have a pleasant personality
- We should be able to hold conversations of all kinds
- Sense of humor !
- I should be able to introduce her to my family and friends
And so on and so forth. The list will be altered to every individual and modifications will be made depending on the seriousness of this relationship. That’s when you question yourself, “have I found someone who checks off all the boxes?” “Are they the right person?” If a string of possibilities of relationships don’t work out, you have the opposite approach.
The Deal Breakers
- She cannot disrespect my individuality
- She should give me my private space and not be bothered by my ‘me’ time.
- She should not be negative minded and be able to understand other person’s point of view.
- We have a problem if her family doesn’t like me
- We run out of conversation so easily. Is that a deal breaker?
- I’ve seen way more of the world than she has.
- We’re not on the same page and thats gonna be a problem.
When we’re ready to meet someone again, we put them through our mental scanner to perform a safety check. Do you ever look back and wonder if things would have turned out differently, had you not gone in with a predetermined test to find the right person? Would you have been more receptive to the kind of person she really is had you not expected him to be one way or another, more specifically – your way? Would you have not burdened yourself with expectations had you unloaded your emotional baggage before entering? So many ifs and buts.
The Greys In Between
I think the truth is that we’re all looking for someone to see us like we’ve never been seen before. But we’re very scared. To be vulnerable. To reveal ourselves. To be ourselves. Of getting hurt. And so we’re guarded every time we meet someone new, let them in our lives, constantly putting them through a test and bailing out the instant they fail. But i have realised, It doesn’t have to be like that. I think what we really want is to love and be loved in return. There is really no right person. So, let’s raise a toast to knowing the black from white and enjoying all the greys in between.
Ankit Aggarwal